Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Did You Know?


This is the question that makes me cringe every time.  I usually do everything I can to avoid being asked this question.  When I am asked, I usually answer with a quick, "no", and try to change subjects. I hate this question because I fear my answer will scare people away from adoption.  I hate this question because, I do not want anyone to ever think we are disappointed.

 Did we know Kahsay suffered a stroke in utero?  Did we know our child would carry the diagnonses of cerebral palsy, seizure disorder, dysphagia, cordical blindness, microcephaly, developmental delay, and so on.  Did we know our child would have a feeding tube and be able to qualify for many services due to his special needs?  Did we know our child would see 9 different specialists, attend numerous therapies, and have a team of special education teachers advocating for him?  Did we have any idea our child would need special equipment to move, stand, regulate himself, and even eat?  Did we know our child may never understand what it means to be adopted?

My answer to all of these questions is, no.  We did not know.  We met Kahsay two times before finally bringing him home.  We did not have any major concerns then and did not have any major concerns months after he came home.  He was only 5 months old when he came home.  He smiled, cried, pooped, slept, jumped, loved his bath, and did normal things a 5 month old would do.  The only concern I had was his flat head and lack of desire to play with toys.  He wore a helmet and attended therapy.  It wasn't until I began to see child after child graduate from therapy that I began to worry.  It wasn't until his therapist suggest we get his eyes checked that I began to worry.  I wasn't until the vision specialist suggested he get an MRI that I began to worry.  It wasn't until we sat with our pediatrician and listened to MRI results that I began to realize we had something to worry about.

Kahsay was 8 months old when we began to uncover the answers to his struggles.  Many have asked us if our agency lied to us or tried to hide anything.  We know without a shadow of a doubt that our agency had no idea of the severity of Kahsay's special needs.  They were amazing through our entire process.

I know my honest answer to this question may scare a few people away from adoption.  However I also know that God does not call everyone to adopt.  Adoption is not easy.  I know my answer to that question may scare those in the process of adoption, but I also know that those He calls He also equips.

 Did I know my child would bring friendships in my life that I can't imagine life without?  Did I know my child would give me a new appreciation for families who deal with the emotional, physical, and spiritual strains of raising a child with special needs? Did I know that my child would drastically change my walk with my Heavenly Father?  Did I know my child would bring thousands of people to their knees to pray? Did I know that my child would teach me that only in weakness are we strong?

My answer to these questions is no.  These are the questions I love to answer!! I love to testify that even though the answer is the same to all the questions at the beginning of this post, it is only because we serve an amazing God that I am filled with gratitude, peace, and a hope that is only from Him.